Tuesday, November 18, 2014


I sometimes find it’s good to be grateful for things that don’t turn out the way I planned.
Here’s the scoop for those following my post-divorce dating escapades: The Weatherman has left the building.
Nope, he didn’t turn out to be an Asshat after all.  He was something very different.  Something that illustrated for me some important truths.
For one, there are all sorts of guys out there.  Having been an Asshat magnet in the past has not doomed me to an Asshat-laden future.  However, the mere absence of Asshattery does not a successful relationship make.
I mean, I had my anti-Asshat checklist, and The Weatherman ticked nearly all the boxes.  Bingo, right?
It seems lists (even those typed, single-spaced, and two pages long) will only get a girl so far.  Relationships are by definition reciprocal agreements.  I needed to tick his boxes, too (why does that sound naughty?).  It became apparent fairly quickly that there were some crucial ways I couldn’t.
The interesting thing was that he was able to communicate this to me.  I mean, he actually made it clear that there were things he needed that he felt I was unable to provide.  To borrow a phrase I use with my small nieces and nephews, he used his words.
And I listened.
I pondered.
I realized that while our differences may have been few, they were significant.
I recognized that I’ve worked too hard to get where I am to compromise on some important points - and that the same is true of The Weatherman.
I acknowledged that maybe a girl who is still hanging out and drinking beer and walking dogs with The Ex on a regular basis isn’t quite ready to give her all to a new relationship.  Or that maybe I just need someone who understands that I am not one to carve people I’ve loved out of my life.  I favor evolution over scorched earth.
The strangest part of this breakup?
I could be feeling hopeless, disappointed, a bit like Sisyphus in heels chasing a great big ball of relationship fails up and down an endless hill.
But I don’t.
Instead, I feel a sense of surrender to what is and a hopefulness about what is to come.  There are real, good men out there.  I can enjoy getting back on my feet again; I don’t need to immediately be swept off them.  Life is not a Disney film.  I am not Sleeping Beauty: kissed, redeemed, happily-ever-aftered into submission.
I am wide awake.
Safe, sound, and forecasting ever-smoother sailing ahead.



  1. You write with such passion and beauty, and I am always drawn into your words. You are an amazing catch, and I love the positive spin you've put on a difficult experience. Now you have more time to write. :)

    1. Thank you so much, Sam - that means the world to me coming from a talented writer like yourself. And yes - more writing time now - no excuses! :)

  2. You are so healthy. I'm happy for you, yet envious at the same time.

  3. The transparency and clarity of this post is inspiring! Beautiful, real, and naked emotion. I admire this, Ms. Wilder. Good for you. Keep it going.
    The universe is singing, and you are listening. ;)