Type

What could the dating experiences of little old me - a 40-something, recently divorced mom - possibly have in common with those of a 23 year old gay man?

As it turns out, quite a bit.

In fact, as it turns out, gay men and straight men may have far more in common with one another than either group might like to admit.  A recent chat with my friend Kyle had us both in stitches over the “types” we’ve discovered in the course of our (mis)adventures in dating.

A sampling:

• The Pretty Boy.  I can’t go out with this guy because his hair always looks better than mine.  Ditto for Kyle (and really, this is a crime, because Kyle has fabulous hair).  Ladies and gents, if it walks like a Ken doll, talks like a Ken doll, and never met a mirror it wasn’t ready to make love to, it’s likely The Pretty Boy you’re dealing with.  Nice arm candy, but be warned: he’s only got enough love for himself.
• The Clooney.  This is a tough one.  Dashingly handsome, but with serious talent and substance to boot.  Has avoided commitment thus far, but causes everyone he comes into contact with to swoon in hopes of being ‘The One.’  But let’s get real, kids.  How many of us are truly in a class with Amal?  Keep your head on straight.  Your skivvies, too.
• The Pious One.  Maybe he’s an actual pillar of his particular religious community.  Maybe he’s just religious in his devotion to yoga, meditation, or his vegan diet.  But this is the man who gets you singing ‘Son of a Preacher Man’ in the shower and has you swearing you’ll convert.  You know - right up until the religious exclamations at romantic moments throw a wet blanket over your desire.  Put down the Kool Aid.  You know he’s gonna dump you for a blonde with family money anyway.
• The Trust Fund Brat.  Speaking of family money…  This is that delightfully soft, sweet guy - the one with wild stories, sparkling eyes, and a prep school past.  He’s the one you fall for immediately.  And it’s mutual.  The problem?  He comes with more strings attached than a marionette, and at the end of each is a family member so horrific only monarchies are creepier.  Give it a whirl - but keep scissors and running shoes handy.
• The Life of the Party.  This is the guy whose dating site profile lists him as “fun loving” and features an adult beverage in every photo.  It’s also sort of silly that he even has a dating site profile at all, since Tinder is more his style.  If you’re looking to wake up bruised, hung-over and naked on a yacht you don’t remember boarding, this is the guy for you.  Otherwise?  Not so much.
• The Strong & Silent.  Oh, this one’s a doozy.  He’s handsome.  Mysterious.  Says more with a glance than he ever does with those sultry lips of his.  And you know what?  It’s because he’s got nothin’.  There’s either not a whole lot going on between those lovely ears, or he has some terrible, soul-deep scars that prevent him from expressing himself.  You’d do better dating the Dos Equis guy.  At least he comes with a script.
• The Momma’s Boy.  This man-child starts out looking great (He’s so good to his mother!  So respectful!  So deferent!  What’s not to like?), but eventually he makes Norman Bates seem rational.  His mommy’s got him convinced that he’s Special…and no one is good enough for her boy.  Are you deluded enough to think you are?  She’ll spare no effort in slowly, painfully proving you wrong.  And your Prince Charming?  Don’t wait for him to come to your rescue.  There isn’t even a problem.  There couldn’t be.  His momma can do no wrong.  Advice?  Run.  Just run.  For fuck’s sake, run now. 

We identified a couple of notable others (God’s Gift, The Wandering Penis), but as these types seemed to overlap a bit with those detailed above, I’ll leave them to your imagination.

As for me and Kyle, we have no idea why we’re still single.

After all, we’re perfectly pleasant in every way…  ;)

www.kcwilder50ways.com

Modogamous

Which single girl among us hasn't wanted to put dating in the doghouse?

Kate Adams is five years out of college and settling comfortably into her life.  She owns her own home, enjoys her work, and appreciates the tidy order of her world.  Then her best friend Evette needs a soft place to land while suffering a bitter divorce (her hubby has knocked up another woman; sort of a marital deal-breaker).  She moves into Kate's guest room and drama ensues.  Literally.  Deciding she's had enough of men, Evette decides being modogamous beats being monogamous - so she adopts a pug, names the little dog Drama, and announces that her primary relationship will be with him.  But Evette is still a grief-stricken mess, and while she steeps herself in pity and alcohol, Kate - never a fan of dogs to begin with - finds herself walking Drama in the early morning chill.

Her tidy life upended, Kate reveals herself to be just the kind of heroine I love.  She's flawed and funny, a smartass with a good heart.  She thinks she's an excellent karaoke singer (she's not).  In a moment of weakness, she falls into bed with longtime buddy and coworker Mitch, then agonizes because she's ruined their relationship.  And then there's hunky JP...

Or has she?  Author Karen E. Martin tells the story of the love triangle - or is it a quadrangle? - that follows with a keen sense of human nature and the sharpest, snarkiest sense of humor I've found in a novel in recent memory.  Her depiction of female friendship is real and entertaining, perhaps especially because she doesn't shy away from all those naughty things we ladies discuss.  To say that laugh out loud moments abound in this book is an understatement.  And happily, there's no shortage of steamy stuff, either.

Love doesn't always come in the neatly-wrapped packages we've requested.  Okay, actually, it almost never does.  Sometimes love is a pug named Drama (I doubt it's a spoiler to say Kate's view of that little guy softens), and sometimes…  Well, just read the book.

www.kcwilder50ways.com

{Karen E. Martin is a seasoned traveler, having served as a Peace Corps volunteer for two years in Morocco and having worked for the U.S. Department of State in Romania and Jordan, among other adventures.  Fittingly, her next work is the second in her "On the Road with Karen" series - a new travelogue, tentatively titled “A (St)roll Through South America” will follow her journey through Brazil, Uruguay, and Argentina with her mother – in a wheelchair.}

Beyond Desperation

Forgive me if today’s book blog post seems a smidge familiar.  A while back, I hosted author Anthony Paull for a fun collaboration: a conversation between the unlikely heroines of each of our novels.  My post this Tuesday was about failure, perseverance, growth and humor in ‘real life,’ and that got me thinking about those qualities in fiction.  This, in turn, brought me back to Anthony Paull and his novel Desperation Lingers.  It is arguably the second-strangest book I have ever wholeheartedly loved (The Love Song of Monkey by Michael S.A. Graziano holds steady in first place).  In spite of its surreal qualities, I found it immensely relatable.  I never thought I’d consider a plunger a symbol of freedom and defiance, but sometimes you really do need to break out the ugly tools to separate the muck from the men.

So here’s my (five star) review of Desperation Lingers, the e-book version of which happens to be on sale at the moment for only 99 cents.  Or if you’re feeling like a big spender, you can splurge on one of those paper-and-ink thingys.  Those who are my kind of weird will find this to be a book worth reading more than once.

Enjoy!

Where to begin?

How to describe Desperation?

Anthony Paull has created characters and a story unlike anything I’ve read before - and that’s a good thing.

In the interest of full disclosure, I have a personal love affair with Miami that may have slightly predisposed me to enjoy this novel. I was born there and my frequent return visits feel like soul-deep homecomings. That Paull so perfectly captures the flavor and quirks of the city that is my “woman hood” made me smile

That said, this isn’t a story for everyone. But it should be. Desperation Lingersreads initially like a farce, with characters and events so absurd and larger-than-life, it’s a cross between Shakespeare and Tom Robbins, with maybe a dash of community theatre and a hint of Miami-fied BBC sitcom.

Got it?

The genius of Desperation lies not just in Paull’s outrageous characters, hilarious observations, and perfect turns of phrase, but in his ability to turn the world of this novel on end every time the reader thinks she’s got a grasp on things. To be frank, this is a book with an unlovable protagonist, and if not for the colorful world Desperation inhabits, I might not have cared enough to read past the first few chapters. Desperation is a brusque, physically-unappealing aging alcoholic whose level of self-absorption is impressive even by South Beach standards.

Except that she’s not.

In Paull’s skilled hands, this unlovable woman is transformed. I don’t want to say too much, because the ultimate beauty of this novel is the stunning twists and turns it takes - particularly in the rollicking final quarter - but I will say this: tough it out past those points where you want to throttle Desperation and you’ll be rewarded. She has good reason to be hard and staid, and she could easily have remained the caricature she seemed at the outset. In the end, though, her absurd qualities are her most endearing and enduring, and this larger-than-life tale shrinks beautifully until it is just about heart-sized.

If you believe people truly can change, or if you’ve ever felt disapproval from a Frieda Kahlo portrait and wished you could change, this book is for you.

If not, this book is also for you.

Grab a plunger and wave it proudly. Desperation Lingers is not what she seems.

And neither are you.

www.kcwilder50ways.com